OFF-TOPIC Thread

Open-Minded Man Grimly Realizes How Much Life He's Wasted Listening To Bullshit

Richman estimates he's squandered 800 hours alone by letting salespeople pitch things to him that he's not going to buy.



CLEVELAND—During an unexpected moment of clarity Tuesday, open-minded man Blake Richman was suddenly struck by the grim realization that he's squandered a significant portion of his life listening to everyone's bullshit, the 38-year-old told reporters.

A visibly stunned and solemn Richman, who until this point regarded his willingness to hear out the opinions of others as a worthwhile quality, estimated that he's wasted nearly three and a half years of his existence being open to people's half-formed thoughts, asinine suggestions, and pointless, dumbfuck stories.

"Jesus Christ," said Richman, taking in the overwhelming volume of useless crap he's actively listened to over the years. "My whole life I've made a concerted effort to give people a fair shake and understand different points of view because I felt that everyone had something valuable to offer, but it turns out most of what they had to offer was complete bullshit."

"Seriously," Richman added, "what have I gained from treating everyone's opinion with respect? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

According to Richman, it was just now hitting him how many hours of his life he's pissed away listening intently to nonsense about celebrity couples, how good or bad certain pens are, and why a particular sports team might have a chance this year. The husband and father of two said that every time he's felt at all put out or bored by a bullshit conversation—especially a speculative one about how bad allergy season was going to be—he should have just turned around, walked away, and gone rafting or rappelling or done any of the millions of other things he's always wanted to do but never thought he had time for.

At various points throughout the day, Richman could be heard muttering to himself that he couldn't believe he was almost 40 years old.

"Twenty minutes here, 10 minutes there. It all starts to add up," said Richman, who sat down and figured out that between stupid discussions about favorite baby names and reviews of restaurants in cities he'll never visit, he'd wasted 390 hours of his life. "And you know what the worst part is? It's my fault. Here I thought being considerate to others by always listening patiently to what they had to say was the right thing to do. Well, fuck me, right?"

According to Richman, he started thinking about how much time he's flushed down the toilet being an approachable person after a work meeting in which he let a coworker, David Martin, ramble on and on with an idea everyone knew was "total shit" the moment the man opened his mouth. Richman said that a single glance at the clock made him realize he had just spent 14 minutes of his finite time on earth not playing with his kids or being with his wife, but listening to garbage.

"It was like I stepped out of my body and saw myself actually listening to this man's worthless drivel—but it wasn't him who looked like a moron, it was me," Richman said. "I was nodding my head like an asshole and saying ridiculous things like, 'Right,' and, 'I see your point, Dave,' when I should have just said, 'Dave, your idea isn't good and you are wasting our time and you need to shut up right now.'"

By his estimates, Richman's receptiveness has resulted in 160 irreplaceable hours of listening to grossly uninformed political opinions, 300 hours of carefully hearing out both sides of pointless arguments, and at least a month of listening to his parents' bullshit about how important it is to be open-minded.

Eighty days have been wasted on the inane blather of his college friend Brian alone.

"All those hours I could have been relaxing, or reading all these great books, or getting into shape, or working on side projects that I'm really excited about," Richman said. "But instead I've been listening to overrated albums recommended to me by my asshole friends."

"Did you know that in my life I've listened to five days' worth of people talking about their furniture?" he added. "It's true. That's a trip to Europe right there."

While Richman has vowed to cease being open-minded to absolute horseshit, acquaintances reflected on his approachability.

"I love Blake," coworker David Martin said. "He's such a good listener. A lot of people are closed-minded and self-absorbed, but Blake always makes an effort to hear where I'm coming from. The world could use more people like him."

 

Just got back from Fleetwood Mac. Wow, what an experience. Probably the best feel-good concert I've been to. Really surreal seeing the big 5 back together, and knowing how most of the songs are about other members. Everyone was fucking amazing. Didn't expect them to be so good, still.

 

Did they what! Thought Buckingham was going to drop dead he was hammering it so hard. They did all the classics, Stevie, Lindsey and Christine alternated their respective lead vocal songs pretty damn well.

Not going to say it was the best ever, I've seen a lot of bands. but really good vibe with the older crowd. Left feeling amazing, and I'm not even a huge fan (before anyway)

 

One of my favorite female singers in the world is Stevie Nicks. Her voice is like hard living and wisdom bound together by desire.

Landslide and Gold Dust Woman are two of my favorite songs.

 

Black Friday coming up. I hear you can save a few hundred bucks on a shitty TV if you get in line now.

 

So it is now out that Charlie Sheen smoked crack and sucked dick..

Homo!

Hollywood train wreck Charlie Sheen was caught on video smoking crack and performing oral sex on another man in 2011, the same year he was diagnosed with HIV, according to an online report Monday.

The former “Two and a Half Men” star smoked a crack pipe before grinning for the camera and then pleasuring his male lover, said the website RadarOnline, claiming it viewed a bootleg copy of the tape.

The video had been part of a $20 million lawsuit against Sheen alleging he gave his sex partner herpes, the site said. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court for millions of dollars, according to Radar.​

http://pagesix.com/2015/11/23/charl...e-performing-oral-sex-on-a-man-report-claims/

 

I dont give a fuck
nigga could suck my dick for millions of dollars
In fact I just might allow us to do 69 for the whole 20 M dollars

 

reminds me of an old Robert Schimmel (RIP) bit
i saw him in Las Vegas before he became famous and he did this routine about fighting Mike Tyson for 50 million "how bad can a dick taste?"
it was way longer than the video but the room held like a hundred people and half could barely stay on their chairs and half were mortified
i remember him saying he'd do it right and hold his balls...in fact if the pope was in the audience he'd wink and say 10 percent tithing father...he was awesome live

 

Do you remember the Pryor bit?
He was telling someone that he took out a really hot broad, and they other guy asked " how fine was she, man"?
And Pryor said, " she was so fine, I'd suck her Daddy's dick".

A strange thread, indeed.

 

I believe the term is wigga since he's a white boy.

 

Hey \Rube...how did you make out with the surgery?