DODGERS The WISH Game

"I wish you had more time"

 

I wish I knew what a goatse was. A middle finger?
I wish I had never read that Prince Fielder has the biggest cock in BB...and it's "widely known"?
I wish I knew how to play this game.

 

Wish granted: Bluezoo learns what a goatse is. Tickled by the novelty of it all, he goes around goatse'ing everyone he sees, and quickly becomes known as the most popular goatse'er east of Marin County. Bluezoo never reads that Prince Fielder has the biggest cock in BB, but as if the fates want everyone to know, BZ finds out the hard way... During a Tigers' East Coast road trip, Bluezoo runs into Fielder at a local Barnes and Noble (apparently they are the last two people to read books on printed paper according to this story). As he does with everyone, BZ greets Fielder with a goatse and the two laugh. They go to shake hands but bump into each other, they comically stumble as if they are in a Buster Keaton film, BZ falls to the ground under Fielder, Fielder's pants fall down and his cock unrolls slapping Bluezoo in the face. Realizing the vulnerable position he had put himself in while goatse'ing Fielder just moments before, Bluezoo vows to never goatse again.

Finally, Bluezoo learns how to play this game. Armed with great literal aptitude and 110 years of experience on Earth, Bluezoo plays the game so well that it reduces the rest of us to just shells of our former selves. One by one we slowly drop off of DSP, until only Bluezoo remains. Bluezoo is forced back to PSD, where he mutters to himself "what have I done?"

Wish: I hadn't skipped over Irish's wish

 

Wish granted: You didn't skip Irish's wish. You make a witty post on his wish. It gets a few likes.

Wish: I marry Selena Gomez

 

All that diss and I still don't know what a goatse is. Fuck this game.

Wish: my dog would kill BM.

 

Wish Granted: After throwing a complete game no hitter in AZ, the team becomes overly excited. Someone yells about peeing in the pool. Unfortunately, pee and poo are the same word in Japanese. As such, Tanaka believes that the pool is some sort of new Hollywood High Colonic. As the others begin jumping into the pool in trunks, he quickly drops trow and begins pulling his ass cheeks apart in an effort to get as much pool water up his ass as possible. Little do the Dodgers (and Tanaka, in particular) know, Towers and Gibson have had a camera installed in the bottom of the pool. Originally meant to catch would be important baseball thieves, they have discovered another use. One day while watching footage from the pool in and effort to discover who stole Gibson's Matt Vasgersian autographed set of floaties, they discovered that young boys often jump in the pool and lose their trunks. As they continually watch the video both realize that they are very turned on. They made love that night with in the end Gibson pounding Towers who Gibson kept calling Eckersley. Thus, every night after a home game (win or lose--they mostly lose), Towers and Gibson change into Terrycloth Robes in Towers' office. They light candles and slowly make love to the footage from the pool. On this night, as they were getting to a particular chubby little fellow who lost his shorts, Gibson hits the live footage button by accident. Instead of the round little kid with the drawn up pud, Towers and Gibson view a large asian goatse with tons of shit flowing from it. Both get incredibly sick. However, they also begin to use the vomit as a form of lubricant. From then on out, they would both purposefully puke before their lovemaking sessions. They would also each make a copy of Tanaka's shit covered ass that were placed in lockets. Down in the pool, Uribe was doing a swan dive when the shit began to flow. Sadly, Uribe is unable to keep his mouth shut during the jump due to a severe overbite that has never been addressed despite the millions given to him by Ned for doing no work for two years. Needless to say, he begins to swallow the asian shit. But something strange happens, he likes it. In fact he loves it. He becomes addicted to it. He begins to stalk Tanaka at all hours hoping to catch him after a healthy shit. He just needs a taste. One day in the lockerroom, it all came to a head. Uribe, thinking that the coast was clear, found the toilet that Tanaka had recently taken a shit in. He begins to eat. And eat. And eat. He loses track of time. He misses batting practice. Finally, DBB finds him. He exaplains to DBB his addiction. He wants help. Instead of helping him, DBB slaps him. He screams, "you think you have problems...try being addicted to Kershaw's cum...I have to sneak in here just to sniff his used jock--hoping that he got excited on the mound. Get the fuck up, you fat fuck. I need you to bunt a man over". The rest is history.

Wish: I wish that Ruven did not target little boys.

 

Damn SDF! I might be able to get to that after I finish War and Peace.

 

Oh...this is what I didn't know. Thank whatever diety.
Now I know, and I don't feel the better for it. I thought it might be something of a generation gap or east/west coast jargon difference, also.
Nice of you to do the research and show me Irish....thank you.
But out of curiousity, how the fuck did this goatse thing ever enter your vocabulary?
It must be the expanded verbage realm of a mod, who must deal with such things, I imagine
The 'goatse cake' thing won't open up for me....there's a red X and (IMG) after it instead, but I can only imagine.
....and there's still at least 2 1/2 months left before opening day. At this rate, by April, photos may be piling in of individual goatses (plural?) of DSP posters. Or worse.
Something wicked this way comes.

 

I recall hearing about a singular Giants fan (had to be) goatse pic floating around the net about a decade ago. If one were to Google goatse you would see that the vast majority of image results are the same photo with all 8 fingers inside pulling it wide open. Disgusting but now rather common knowledge... to sick fucks like Irish... and most of the DSP board...

And BZ unless you're a big goatse fan be careful what you ask for from this crowd...

 

Wish granted: Ruven was wandering the range on a random day was consuming all things healthy and life giving stumbled upon a poor lonely fungi and being a fun guy took this one as his friend. When asked his name the fungi says "Silly" and Ruven asks why. The shroom answers "taste me a see". Well Silly's last name was Cybin and as ole Ruve took a nibble one thing led to the other and he ate the whole thing. Life was good life was grant and Ruven enjoyed his wandering ways until he came along a man named Petey manning a gate. They exchanged pleasantries until Petey informed Ruven that he could not pass that gate without changing his ways. It seems Petey knew all about Ruven targeting little boys and said that he must either repent and forsake little boys or become a Catholic priest if he really wanted to continue after young boys. Such was the gravity of the choice that Ruven paced around the gate, kicking the dirt and pondered mightily to finally, and wisely, decide that as much as he liked little boys he just wasn't willing to embrace all that was wrong about being a Catholic priest so he gave up little boys and started liking elderly women as they had so much to give and so little to look forward to. The Catholic church was very mad as they also liked targeting old women almost as much as young boys but Petey bkitch slapped them and told them to do 12 Our Father's and 20 Hail Mary's for talking back and to shut the fuck up. Ruven was shone the light of the shroom and began a biz selling whole foods healthy stuffing, with shrooms, for the elderly who can't chew and becomes wildly popular as the author of "Healthy Living with Shrooms" and keeps a septuagenarian stable of loyal wizen's for his daily unloading.

Wish: I wish that I got paid to write this shit

 

Wish Granted: you get paid in bags of dicks to write on internet baseball forums.
Wish: That DSP posters would refrain from writing dissertations so I might actually attempt to read their posts.

P.S. Ima asshole...

 

Three Baseball wishes:

I wish Matt K-emp wasn't as soft as a chinchilla.
I wish Donnie Dum Dum would vanish into thin air.
I wish Clayton signs a long term deal.

 

Wish granted:I Matt K-emp is no longer as soft as a chinchilla. Instead he becomes softer. He is now as soft as the softest substance known to man, aka JD Drew.

Wish granted: Don Mattingly joins the David Blaine School of Dumbass Tricks and learns how to vanish into thin air. His favorite trick is to vanish while on the pitchers mound, then reappear 5 seconds later. This, of course, breaks a MLB rule, and DBB is ejected from a record 161 games in 2014.

Wish granted: Clayton Kershaw signs a long term deal... With the SF giants... 7 years/$70 million. When asked why he did it he says, "I just wanted to piss off KOUFAX000".

 

Praise Jesus.

 

:clap::lolup: