DODGERS The WISH Game

Wish granted: you win your district's lottery to join the Hunger Games, where you are promptly killed by Woody from Cheers.

Wish: The Dodgers win the World Series

 

Wish Granted: But it's 20th century British historian Ian Kershaw, whose work has chiefly focused on the period of the third reich. He is regarded by many as the world's leading expert on Adolf Hitler and Nazi Germany, and his fastball tops out at 92. He's a decent middle of the rotation option but doesn't fill the void left by losing Clayton Kershaw. We go 85-77.

Wish: I was a little bit taller, that I was baller, that I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.

 

Wish granted: you are now 4" taller after a successful surgery that takes the inches from your penis. You are a professional baller, as in "melon baller" for Edible Arrangements, making minimum wage. And you are now married to a girl who looked good, as in "used" to look good, congratulations to you and Mrs. Janice Dickinson-P.

Wish: I wish Matt Stairs and Broxton had never been born.

 

Wish Granted. Matt Stairs and Jonathan Broxton were never born. Unfortunately, due to a lack of options, Ned called on Brett Tomko to be the everyday closer during the same tenure. The Dodgers fail to make the playoffs due to a record 67 blown saves by Tomko. Ryan and Judy Stairs did have a daughter named Matty who went on to say, "I cannot tell you how great it is to have your ass pounded by that many guys".

Wish: I wish that I owned a minor league baseball team.

 

Wish Granted: You're transported back to the 1870's. The civil war is coming to an end, and you're a Southerner who's afraid of the rapidly changing ideals of the United States. Once a wealthy plantation owner with over 500 slaves, you were forced to free them all, except one, who has spent his whole life on your plantation. His name? "A Minor League Baseball Team". It's a weird name, but you begin to realize your feelings for him go further than the average master to slave relationship. You begin having an affair. You know it's wrong but you yearn for his touch night after night. Eventually your wife catches you in the act. And guess what? Your wife's father is the sheriff. You're in trouble now, as you and A Minor League Baseball Team have to run. The deep south is not yet ready for an interracial gay couple, so you head West. A Minor League Baseball Team dies trying to forge the Mississippi, which sends you over the edge. You decide the only way you can cope with his death is by creating the snack you've longed for your entire life. A light, whole wheat wafer. After years of slaving away, with hundreds of failed recipes, you come up with something. Your name? Reginald X. Triscuit. The snack? Triscuits. You soon die. You leave a very mixed legacy.

Wish: That I never made that post

 

[quote="VRP, post: NEVER FUCKIN HAPPEND...POOF MUTHA FUCKA..


Wish: That I never made that post[/quote]
Wish Granted. You no longer made that post.Instead your shit gets pushed in by Ronald "el Chupa Cabra" Belisario..the ugliest man in baseball.

Wish: Sergio Romo also gets his shit pushed in...But this time by Prince the "biggest cock in baseball" Fielder.

 

Wish granted: Prince Fielder, widely known as having the biggest cock in baseball heads to San Francisco for the 243rd triannual vegan cock fest festival. While shopping for a set of clippers for his pubes for the swimsuit competition he runs into Sergio Romo. The mere sight of romo's immacutely trimmed douchebag facial hair leads prince to hire him as his personal pageant coach. What started as a simple hire to win the most prestigious title in San Francisco's illustrious homosexual history becomes a torrid love affair. One night after a dinner of quinoa burgers with soy and lethicin cheese their eyes met. While romo looks up from his glass of organic kale champagne he mouths "fuck me big daddy." They light several electronic zero emission candles and prince rolls his flax seed condom on and goes to work. The experience is so intense that romo declares "milk is murder!" As he climaxes.

I wish Miley Cyrus was a woman.

 

Wish granted: after a night of diddling prostitutes in Tijuana you contract TuBerculosis. Thanks to your cough, you are not allowed back across the border, and two men in black suits throw you into the trunk of an 87 Ford Taurus. You are never seen again.

Wish: AT&T Park would sink into the bay

 

wish granted: Puig opens a Driver's Ed School! Following the opening of the school, traffic accidents and traffic related deaths both go up 500% in the state of Florida. Due to media pressure, Florida's Head of Immigration, Elian Gonzalez, is forced to deport Puig back to Cuba stating "operating a driving school with a suspended license" and "inability to hit the cutoff man" as reasons why. In response to the bad press, Bud Selig orders that the Dodgers are not allowed to sign international players for the next 20 years. Not having international players breaks a clause in the Dodgers Television deal with Time Warner, and they are forced to pay back the $8 billion, plus an additional $100 billion in damages. Guggenheim goes bankrupt and they are forced to sell the team. Frank McCourt buys the team and stadium for $50 million, but the good news is Guggenheim keeps 50% of the parking lot! Magic Johnson announces this as a huge win for the team. McCourt immediately makes a splash in free agency by signing all star 2B, Orlando Hudson.

wish: it wasn't so hard to plan get togethers at the Lair

 

Wish Granted: All of us can attend every lair event, and Diablo hosts them every Friday night. At first it's great, and we're all enjoying watching the Dodgers with our closest e-friends. After a few months, however, familiarity begins to breed contempt. The sabr guys and the traditionalist guys begin to despise one another. The backhanded comments grow into mean spirited insults, which grows into physical violence. The liar events are cancelled, but that isn't even the half of it. The wRCrips, as they now refer to themselves, and the ER-Ese's become two of the most feared gangs in Los Angeles. All out war between the two sides end with body counts in the thousands. The city of Los Angeles, in attempt to put an end to the fighting, cancels the Dodgers season in order to avoid any potential conflict, which only infuriates the gangs more, as they can't agree on whether or not Kershaw's half season should be judged on his 2.24 ERA or his 2.56 FIP. At this time, Los Angeles mayor Eric Garcetti tries to quell the violence in the only way he knows how. By hiring a talented cartoonist to illustrate the negative effects of gang violence. He decides upon former Comics By Brad founder Brad BlueMouse. Brad makes a fortune with the campaign and the slew of new business. But the liar events are gone for good.

Wish: Andre Ethier comes to my next birthday party

 

Wish granted: Andre Ethier shows up at your birthday party. But he hasn't forgotten all the bad things you've said about his BABIP, UZR, Lefty/Righty splits, wanting him to get AIDs and be traded to Toronto. For revenge, at the party he has sex with your mom, sister, and love of your life Janice Dickinson. He takes pictures and posts them on DSP, some of the most obscene pornographic images anyone has ever seen. Chris' mom gets wind of it, complains to the internet, and without warning DSP is gone. We are all forced back to PSD. Thanks a lot, VRP. You jerk.

Wish: 2011 Matt Kemp shows up this season

 

Wish
I wish that don mattingly would never call for the bunt sign

Wish Granted: Don Mattingly never again calls for the bunt. Unfortunately, Donnie Baseball thinks you can squeeze with a walk. The dodgers are thrown out at home 34/35 times. The one time it works is when Molina is about to tag the runner but notices a picture of himself on the tron and begins to beat off to himself.

Wish: I wish I played for the Dodgers.

 

Wish granted: You play for the Dodgers. You play second base and you're decent. Hit .260 with little power but are a plus defensive infielder and have a knack for getting clutch hits. After the season you're a free agent, and get talked into going with Dennis Rodman to North Korea to try and instill peace and negotiate the release of Kenneth Bae. You go 0-4 with 2 errors and the Americans lose to the North Koreans 1-0. You return a social pariah, and after the Dodgers release you, you develop a narcotics problem. You die of a supposed overdose. After you die, they release your toxicology report, only to discover you were poisoned. The search for your murderer is long and intricate, but they eventually find out it was your own brother! They turn your murder into an episode of Law And Order: Criminal Intent. You are played by Ron Howard's brother. Your brother is played by Channing Tatum.

Wish: That me and BlueMouse were best friends.

 

Wish Granted:

You and Blue Mouse slowly begin to form a friendship overtime. You each values the others opinion. You share your thoughts and he shares his. You become so close that you decide to move in next door to each other. Your kids grow up together. You picnic, barbeque, and hang out at each other's house. You spend so much time at each others house that your spouses start calling the other one "my other husband". You both laugh about it. Ten years from now, as a joke on Halloween, you both decide to dress up as the other for a party that you are attending. Everyone gets a kick out of it. You spared no expense. You have even managed to pick up each other nuances that most do not notice. You are the hit of the party. On your way home, you decide to stop at a local convenience store to pick up a gallon of milk because ole' Mousey drank the last of yours. From the back of the store walks this gentleman in dark clothes. He sees you and his eyes flare. He begins to shout and pulls a gun. He screams about the money you owed him from track. You see, Mouse has had a secret gambling problem for years and he is in for 20k plus the vig. Crazy Louie has had it with the excuses. As you begin to try to rip off the makeup and explain who you are, he begins to beat you with a half full coffee pot that was that was brewing. As the metal collides with your head and the hot liquid scalds your face, you try to explain who you are. Realizing his mistake, Louie looks at the mess he made. Knowing that he cannot do another stint in the klink, he pulls the gun back out and shoot you three times. He then turns to the clerk and shoots him. He runs from the store. Thankfully, your wife saw his face and was able to identify your murderer. At the trial, your wife is so upset that Mouse must console her. Mouse realizes that he loves both his wife and yours. He proposes that she move in and they become one big family. She agrees. They move to Utah and change their name to Oleander.

 

Wish: I wish that DSP appreciated southerners.